Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Atlantis



There is a longing that never ceases
Like a ship that never docks too long
For no port ever becomes home
To a citizen of the restless ocean.

Constant in its change, the sea
Remains a singular certainty
In a journey with
No compass,
No maps,
but,
One hope,
One dream.

There is a longing that never ceases
In the silence of a million stars
I hear it whisper ever so softly,
“Seek and you shall find
the Atlantis of your heart.”

waiting out a storm



one came back, the other gone.
one continues, the other ends.
outside, there is a certain peace.
inside, a storm is raging.

forces of nature are pulling,
tugging, me out of my skin.
the ties that bind remain taut
and tight, strong enough
to fasten me to my world of normalcy.

there is no time i do not think of this -
i am afraid i will always remember this
phenomenon.

in memoriam: vincent

Journal entry: March 7, 1997


Self Portrait with Straw Hat


LUST FOR LIFE: Although his name is recognized all over the world now, his story is not unfamiliar to us. It is an ancient story of humanity: of longing, of loneliness, of hunger for love. His was a lonely heart, even at the beginning. Desperately wanting to be of use to the world, that when he found the one thing he can do best and be of use to people - his life was consumed by it. He has produced hundreds of artworks, borne out of his pain, his understanding of the human condition, his blood, his tears and ultimately though I think, not tragically, his own life. He pushed himself to the boundaries of sanity to create, or rather recreate life in his paintings. To me, he has lived a lonely, yet fulfilled life, but he was not there to enjoy it.


***

My Favorite Paintings

Cafe at Night



Starry Night



Sunflowers



***

Letters, Letters, Letters

It is rather enlightening to find another door to Vincent's genius mind besides looking at his paintings. He was an avid letter writer and these letters offer a great insight to his artwork, inspiration, feelings, and insecurties.

"It must be good to die in the knowledge that one has done some truthful work and to know that, as a result, one will live on in the memory of at least a few and leave a good example for those who come after. A work that is good may not last forever, but the thought expressed by it will, and the work itself will surely survive for a very long time, and those who come later can do no more than follow in the footsteps of such predecessors and copy their example." - Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh, Amsterdam, 3 March 1878

***

Vincent Van Gogh died on July 29, 1890.

Friday, July 21, 2006

the kiss



"I have the gift of neither the spoken nor the written word, especially if I have to say something about myself or my work. Whoever wants to know something about me -as an artist, the only notable thing- ought to look carefully at my pictures and try and see in them what I am and what I want to do."
Gustav Klimt

The walls
Come falling down,
Brick by brick,
One by one.
My secret garden exposed.
One kiss and
I come undone.

Afterthought




At a cafe by the moonlight,
Art was a witness when
She crossed the invisible line
and held your arm for a time,
She read her thoughts on the crumpled pieces of paper:
Her feeble attempt to put the puzzle together.

You sipped your Irini and listened quietly,
as she heard the voice of reason in her head:
"The affair has ended;
Nothing lies ahead."

You may never feel her soft, sun-kissed skin again,
Nor she the blister on your right palm from working in the garden.
She may never come this close to you once more
To notice two pox marks above your lips,
Yet she will always remember the melancholy in your eyes
As she said "I love you" for the last time.

Will you remember the photographs you looked at:
the old woman with a contoured face,
the sunsets on the beaches of Boracay,
the view from the top of the mountains of Sagada,
the cat that was never there at dawn,
while the moon was looking on...

Will you remember all of them?
Maybe not, but it does not matter.

Was all that was to be understood between them,
After all that had came to pass
And all that was unsaid remained
A trove of secret longings in their hearts,
Have come to a reckoning beyond their imagining?

As they walked across the expanse of the atrium,
What forces of nature caused the two pilgrims
To refuse to look at each other’s eyes,
To deny their hands' needless longing to touch?
They were afraid of their own powerlessness
to Passion's last plea for redemption.

I wish my faith is stronger than my reason.
Yet how could I believe in Passion or Devotion?
Will anyone ever understand that the distance
between two souls who loved each other
Deeper than the abyss of their cheating hearts
is, but, an illusion?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

the trap



it was a trap,
but was i really a victim,
tempted by the sweetness
of a delicate sanctuary?

i fear he would devour me
after he has sucked
all that is good
in my soul, in my heart,
until i am spent and wasted
and alive no more.

how can i escape this
entanglement, this dreadful
waiting for my death
or for a chance that he
may not be the enemy after all
but my redeemer?

do i have any power at all
to disengage myself
from the web of half-truths,
of lies i made myself believe?

i fear no death is graver than love unreturned.

rapture


The First Kiss


sitting by myself
before the twelfth hour
a voice disturbed my thoughts
rapture was my reward
right in front of me
oh! what a lovely sight you are.

catnap


Cat Nap II


nap all you want,
my dear kitty cat.
your task is done,
the mice have gone.
tomorrow is another day.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

of cordon bleus and BlackBerrys

The books I've been reading for the past month or so have been about some serious stuff, mostly about being a woman: Simone de Beauvoir's "The Second Sex", Adrienne Rich's "Of Woman Born", Germain Greer's "The Female Eunuch", etc...And truth to be told, my head's about to explode from too much information and exploration of the female psyche. I need a break. Anybody got a KitKat?

So, it was a great relief when Marix (bless her!)lent me a copy of Sophie Kinsella's "The Undomestic Goddess" three days ago. A few months ago, I tried to read Sophie's Shophaholic book (the first one of the series) but sadly I couldn't really relate to the main character, probably because I'm not really addicted to shopping. The only thing I really splurge on is books, so I didn't finish the book and just grabbed a copy of Helen Fielding's Bridget JOnes's Diary, which was really funny despite the fact that when I was reading it I could hear and see Renee Zellwegger's British accented voice in my head. Oh well.

Anyway, back to the Undomestic Goddess. I really wanted to read this book last April, when due to unavoidable circumstances, I was housebound and had to be the domestic goddess of my own household. I probably wouldn't have had the time then to read it so maybe the timing's just right now.

I love Samantha (aka The Undomestic Goddess). She reminds me of a friend of mine, with her powersuits, BlackBerry, and penchant for cancelling dinner appointments with her friends. (Oh, but I love my friend despite of that).

I'm no lawyer (Samantha is) but I kind of know her world: the fast-paced, competitive, driven, corporate rat race...as I was part of it myself a few years back. And like her, I've given it all up, and not without a trace of regret here and there, but overall, I love this new, slow-paced, unglamorous life of a domestic goddess (a.k.a. full time homemaker, wife and mom). Yes, there are trade-offs, I couldn't possibly afford all the new high-tech gadgets around (although I do have on loan a NOkia 9210i), my outfits are mostly jeans & t-shirts now, and I hardly wear any make-up, and my bank account is really neglible, and yet, when I look at my life real hard it is exactly what I wanted...give or take a few more bucks in the bank...;)

I am one of those people who still have the time to look out the window...and see and be amazed at this messed-up but still wonderful world of ours. I have the time to wait for the sunrise and sunset. I have the time to see a trail of ants passing by (really!). I have time to read books. And best of all, I have the time to spend with my two kids, who in a few years would probably have no time for me.

Life is good enough...can't have everything I want (a car, a laptop, a bigger house, money to travel, etc.)...but I have everything I need right now.

Monday, July 03, 2006

on a creative journey

Two years ago, I came upon a wonderful book by Julia Cameron, "The Artist's Way". I started doing The Morning Pages and The Artist's Date as tools in my creative recovery but I have not finished the book. To borrow from Gilda Radner, "there's always something" that needs to be done first: meals to cook, kids to take care of, errands to do, etc...Yes , I am now officially creatively blocked again.

Yet...there is hope...for the past year, I have been receiving emails from Chris Dumiere's website , "Creativity Portal". There I have found kindred souls on the same journey to finding our authentic creative life. There are those who have paved the way for us...armed with their courage and belief in their artist child. Hopefully, as I read their stories I may also be inspired to reclaim my place as a true artist.

***

One such artist is Shelley, as I read her Intuitive Creativity blog I am also inspired to start thinking out of the box...to start creating...to be unafraid...because it doesn't matter what had happened to us...the important thing is to remember who we really are and what we are really meant to do with our life.

As Julia Cameron said, "Creativity is God's gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God."

Saturday, July 01, 2006

baby blues

as a mom of two young kids, i sometimes get overwhelmed with all the stuff i need to do: think of a weekly menu, remember doctor's appointments, help out with my eldest's assignments, play with them, remember to read a story (when i'm not too exhausted), bathe them, etc. etc.

so when i discovered BABY BLUES, the comic strip created by two young DADS, Jerry and Kirk, i found myself LAUGHING (and crying because of too much laughter) my HEART out! I found myself relating to Wanda and Daryl misadventures in the parenthood arena. And saw my kid's in Zoe & Hammie.

so to all the moms (and dads) out there who are doing their best in raising their precocious kids, let BABY BLUES chase your blues away!

Baby BLues Homepage: http://www.babyblues.com/index.php